Sometimes you could just find yourself in such an embarrassing or terrible situation that you just didn't even want to exist anymore. Right now was one of those situations, actually. Sasori felt embarrassed. Not because he himself had done anything wrong. It was his partner. Making him want to disappear. He didn't want to deal with this anymore. He never asked for this.
He didn't understand what Deidara was doing. Sure, he could be an idiot at times, argue and object against pretty much everything Sasori might have to say. But this was a whole new level of stupidity. The redhead could just feel the anger from these past weeks building up inside of him…
It was hard not to give Deidara his coldest and most disappointed look after everything. After he had actually talked to Pain about the mission. About postponing it at least one day, so his partner would have one more day to heal. Sure, they had had a fight, and he might have told the blonde that he was a useless partner and ninja, and that he would be better off without his help. But Sasori was a realist, unlike the younger male. He knew that the mission, most missions actually, would only go smoothly and fast with the bomber's help. With their teamwork. So despite everything he had said about wanting to work alone and hoping Pain would go harder on the blonde, he had asked their leader to give him an extra day to heal.
He still didn't want to treat Deidara's wounds and help him, but he had actually been able to swallow his pride for once. Tell the leader about their argument. That Sasori had been the one to beat him up and make him end up with a fever and probably a few broken ribs. He had sacrificed some of his pride for his idiotic partner, hoping that the next day the blonde would actually be happy, if even a little bit… Happy enough to stop fucking arguing about every single little thing. Or at least not want him dead.
But of course Deidara had to be an utter disappointment, as always. This time, more that ever before. He comes back from the leaders room to go check on his partner to see if he was still unconscious, and ends up hearing the blonde arguing with Hidan in the kitchen…
How was he supposed to feel about that? How was he not supposed to feel embarrassment about the situation?
When he stepped into the kitchen and saw Hidan and Deidara having some sort of brawl going on. Didn't Deidara just faint, like half an hour ago? Didn't he have a really bad fever? Wasn't he seriously hurt? What the hell was he wearing? Why was he messing around like this? If he was healthy enough to bother Hidan and the other members, he sure as hell was healthy enough to go on a mission. He couldn't believe it, how could someone be so irresponsible? 19 or not, he was a fucking adult. He was part or the Akatsuki organization, and he had been that since years before now. Yet he was messing around like this… And he dared to look at him like that after having puked on the floor, right in front of him? Of course he would puke if he had a fever and got out of bed to argue with Hidan about some worthless bullshit.
He had no right to look at him like that. He had absolutely no right to call him Danna like that. Not after what he had done. Not after he had said it in that sarcastic tone to him, the day before. Not after he had humiliated him like this. Not after how he had behaved. How he had made his life turn out. Even if he had never really been at peace with the world, or himself, Deidara was making life 10 times as hard to live. Without going crazy, that is.
There had been times when he had felt like the blonde wasn't all that bad after all. Sometimes it felt like he was bearable. Sometimes… Rarely, it even felt like he could be quite useful and maybe a little bit more intelligent than the others. A little bit.
But lately the blonde had just proved Sasori's assumptions wrong. He wasn't bearable. He was anything but bearable. And to be honest, Sasori just felt like he wanted to get rid of him. He wanted him dead. He just wanted him out of the picture completely. Dead. It wasn't like they hadn't tried to kill each other before, but this time he honestly just wanted him dead. For real. He was done. He had been shockingly nice under the circumstances, but it was all over now. He was done with this, he lost his patience with the other completely.
Sasori didn't even say anything. He grabbed his partner's hair and forced him up from the floor. The other's of course finding the situation hilarious. To Deidara, it was all just confusing, and making his head spin. There were so many questions he wanted to ask… About his friends, or what he might have called friends outside of this dream… This nightmare. It was definitely a nightmare, not a dream. And this became pretty clear to him the second Sasori looked at him like that. With cold eyes that were everything but familiar to him.
"Danna, wait, what are you… Aah…" The younger man held his head, clearly in pain. But Sasori didn't care, or mind, and as soon as he had pulled Deidara up from the floor, he pushed him out of the kitchen and out to the hall. Ignoring whatever the other might have to say. "My head really… Hurts, please, don't be so harsh… What did I do wrong? Why did you cut his… Head, I-I…"
Clearly Deidara was on the edge of fainting. And he soon did, just making the job easier for Sasori. What was the job? The job was to get rid of him, once and for all… But not here. He couldn't do it here.
The anger was filling him more and more but the puppeteer made sure not to show the slightest a hint of what he was feeling inside. His anger just turned him colder on the outside, he never actually showed it. Couldn't quite find the right words to yell at his partner. He didn't know if it was even possible to describe how furious he was right now. That Deidara would actually behave like this…
Carrying the blonde to Sasori's own room, he dumped him on the floor, against a wall free from puppets or any supplies. It would be pretty much painless if Deidara was unconscious like this. But that wouldn't be any fun now, would it? The best way to let him go was by using poison. Slow, painful, a pure torture… An artistic death.
The redhead backed away from his partner a bit, trying to think of how he should do this. The consequence was Sasori himself getting killed. But it was okay. He would leave. He could leave and if they still tried to catch him he would just kill them all. That's how he got rid of all big problems, after all. Why solve a problem when you could just get rid of it… Yeah…
Grabbing a kunai form the desk behind him, he frowned a bit as he walked up to his partner, kneeling down to to other's level of height, where he was resting against the cold wall in a sitting position. It would be quick and silent. Just a cut against his neck with the clean, sharp blade, and it would be over with. He didn't have time to make art out of this. And besides, Deidara didn't deserve a beautiful death like that anyways.
As he brought the weapon closer to his partner's neck, mind completely numbed by the feelings of anger and disappointment that he was experiencing, he took a second to have a good look at the other's unconscious form. He should kill him, and turn him into a puppet. Deidara would be a waste to just kill. It wasn't that the other would be a piece of art visually, but his unique battle technique could prove to be really useful and handy, especially for long ranged battles. And he…
His thoughts had started of as relevant, thinking of an effective way to use Deidara's body after actually killing him. Still not really realizing what he was really thinking. That he was actually trying to kill his partner. Out of anger. Something he'd definitely regret, but not realize it before it was too late. Blinded. His thoughts had continued, driven by anger and hate.
But he soon found himself side-tracking… From thinking about a way of using the other's fighting skills and body, to just... Looking at him. Sasori didn't usually think before killing someone, but this time he felt a bit fascinated. He was in front of his partner. Someone he had been working with for many years now. Someone he had worked really well with but at the same time hated more than anyone. Someone he had shared deep conversations and debates with, and later had huge fights and arguments with. He was actually trying to kill this person.
Something about him felt different. Or maybe it was because Sasori had never been so close to the other before. At least not without glaring at him or yelling at him. His skin seemed unusually clean for a mere human… Sasori mouth opened slightly in speechlessness as he brought his hand up to the other mans cheek. He couldn't feel him though. So trying to feel if the skin was as lean as it looked was pretty useless.
His thoughts continued as he looked down on his partner's body instead. Or to be more specific, his clothes. What in heaven's name was he wearing? He had never seen anything like it. He hadn't had the chance or interest to question it before, but now that everything was silent he was feeling quite confused by the odd outfit. A green and white T-shirt, dirtied by the blood from the wound that Hidan put on him. Why would he pick a fight with Hidan when he was in such a bad shape?
For a second the rage and thoughts about killing the other were switched out by confusion and questions. The redhead decided to have a little look at the wounds created by Hidan, grabbing the bottom of Deidara's shirt and pulling it up. It didn't look all that bad… It wasn't deep, Deidara could handle it, he had a good tolerance when it came to pain. Sasori kept his eyes on the blonde's chest for a while… Until he realized something.
Something was… Different.
After a few seconds, his mouth opened even more in pure shock, his eyes widening. Where were the stitches? The mouth on his chest… Why was there no mouth on his chest?
Starting to feel himself panic a bit when he couldn't find a logical explanation to why Deidara didn't have a mouth on his chest, he quickly took the blonde's hand and took a look at his palm. But there was no mouth there either. And his other hand was mouth-free as well. Nothing. He just had normal hands. Cold and dirty with the blood from his chest.
"What…" Sasori mumbled to himself in pure shock and confusion, and for what seemed like the first time ever he felt completely paralyzed. He couldn't even question this. He was too confused to question why this was happening. Or how. Or when.
What the hell was going on with his partner?
Still staring at the other like he was some sort of monster, he noticed the blonde man stirring a bit, making a slightly pained grimace with his face. The blonde groaned a bit, before trying to open his eyes… He coughed as soon as his eyes were finally open, before looking at the redhead right in front of him.
"Aah… Danna? Am I finally awake? I… hope I am, that was a terrible dream…" Deidara seemed to still be in pain, and closed his eyes, not leaning his head away from the wall. "Some sort of crazy dark fantasy world where everyone were maniacs…"
"Dream…?" Sasori questioned in a mere mumble, still staring at the other in confusion and shock. The thought of killing him or how the other had been behaving vanished completely. All he wanted to know right now was how this was even possible. Maybe he was the one dreaming here. "What dream? Deidara, did you hit your head or something?"
"Actually, now that you mention it… My head hurts so much… And my… Chest hurts too… Shoulder… I-I don't know why… Oh, right, Hidan wasn't… He wasn't my friend in the dream, he… Am I still dreaming…?"
"… You're not dreaming." Sasori stood up, feeling quite speechless. A dream? Why was Deidara talking about dreams? He should be more concerned about… Well… "Your hands, Deidara… Have you… Done something…?"
"No, my hands are okay, they don't hurt..." It seemed like he was only half awake. Sasori was starting to feel irritated again. Maybe it was because Deidara wasn't focusing and giving him the answers and explanation he craved… And maybe it was just because of hearing Deidara's voice again, reminding him of what had happened. Reminding him of how he sounded. When arguing, nagging, provoking, complaining... Making fun of him. "Not dreaming…? So I'm awake then… But then… Why does it… Hurt so much… A-aah, Danna, please, help me… I-" The young man coughed again, this time coughing up some blood. Still not opening his eyes. He seemed to be numb from all the pain, which was weird because he… Deidara never sounded like this… So helpless… He would always talk about how he would be fine and how it didn't hurt at all. What happened? What happened to Deidara? His partner. Not this… This person.
This person was not his partner.
"Can't you do something, Danna? Anything? P-please… It hurts so much. Please wake me up… Please… I don't like this dream. I don't like this place. I don't like… This Sasori. I want the real you back, I… I… Please hold me, kiss me, anything, just wake me up, make it stop…"
… This was not Deidara.