The soft hand of the blonde male went up to his eyes, brushing away embarassing the tears that were gathering. Damn... He hated when he started to cry without wanting it... "Nhh..." He made a little sad sound, biting his lip while his eyes were closed.
God he was silly... He always began crying when he came here. Each time he visited his parent, it was like he became a little child again after having a nightmare.
He had decided not to cry this time! When he had sat down in the car; This time, I will not start weeping like a little baby...
And now, here he was, endless tears streaming down his face as he was sobbing slightly.
If they just hadn't died...
It was all just much lovlier back when he was a little kid...
Sasori stared down at the grave in front of him. Or the two graves to be exact. Or, to be even more exact; the two graves of his parents. It didn't really bother him that they were dead anymore, really. He had stopped caring about it after he turned 15. But when he was a kid, he had cryed his face off each time his grandmother took him to the graveyard. But then he had grown tired of showing his emotions. It hurted him to much. He decided to hide them.
Or, almost hide them.
After a while he had realized that no one, not even he could hide his feeling. Or, he could hide them. But not for a very long time. He had to get rid of them, not hide them. If he just hid everything under the mat, the mat would soon rise so much anyone would realize it was dirt under it. It just didn't work out in the end.
But being the stubborn person he was, he had searched until he had found a way to erase the pain, sadness and sorrow withing him. It was much more simple than he had imagined.
After trying drugs, alcohol and sex, he had almost lost hope. Until he found just the right thing.
His best friend from that day and forward. The knife.
Well, he had always gotten calm by sitting down and making puppets. Everything being silent. Just him and no one else.
He had moved out from home when he had turned 17. Too early? Did he care?
And he had also jumped off school. Not like that really mattered, he had always had the best grades in his class. He swore he knew more than the teachers themselves.
And he did have a work now. So where were the problems?
Anyways, he never forgot the day when he was sitting there in his room, same expression on his face as always: No expression at all.
Maybe if his mind had been more concentrated, he hadn't accidentally made the carving tool called 'knife' miss the wood it was supposed to hit. Instead, he had ripped the palm of his hand, drawing blood.
After minutes of staring and thinking, feeling, Sasori had thrown away the wood into the wall, yet keeping the knife. His hand shaking with slight fear, he made another cut on the back of his hand, a smile appearing on his lips.
He hadn't smiled in years. Well, that was weird... What could that mean?
...He wanted more. Wanted more of that feeling. It was better than any drug he had ever had. Any sex he had ever had. It was better than anything. Without even realizing, he had actually missed smiling...
He made another cut. Another. One more. Three, four, five, ten, twenty, fourty more. All going up his arm. All deep enough to draw blood. Deep enough to hurt. Like hell. Hurt enough to put that wicked, weird smile on his face.
That creepy smile soon turned into a smirk, the smirk turning into a chuckle and the chuckle turning into a weird, crazy laughter. Why hadn't he done this earlier?
Why the fuck hadn't he realized how good it felt to laugh? And smile, chuckle, just... Happiness! Happiness felt wonderful... It made him feel happy when he hurted himself. He deserved it. And it felt good. To punish himself. To give himself pleasure. No...?
His knife made the biggest travel ever that day. Up his left arm, over his chest, down his right arm. Sasori had finally found the drug that actually worked positively on him (POSITIVE MY ASS).
Without even thinking, without even hesitiating, without the slightest doubt, he undressed to only underwear. The young boy sat down in the middle of the bed, watching the white sheets slowly turn into a color that matched his hair. The whole room soon began catching a smell of iron, which made him laugh even louder.
Down his left leg, up his right leg, drawing lines on his stomach, playing with the tip of the knife inside his navel. Making a deep cut through his right nipple, causing hismelf to moan a bit and still laugh at the same time. Up his neck, not going to deep though. Till he reached his face, and stopped. As did his laughter.
He sat there, silent for a while, just blankly looking forward.
You have the most perfect face, Sasori-chan...
Those words suddenly came to him, making his eyes go wideIt felt just like... He had heard his mothers words. Oh, maybe he was going insane... Or maybe it was his mothers ghost? Was she trying to stop him or something? Hahaha, how cute...
He wished she hadn't. He just wished his mother had never existed. He wished she would have died before Sasori had came to life.
He didn't want a perfect face.
To start with, the redhead made a small cut above his eyebrow. And just that was enough to make him want more. And more, and more, and more, more, more, MORE, MORE!
A slice on his cheek. Another one making it look like an X.
More, down his chin. Down his other cheek. And almost through his head.
He was just about to pierce it through his head. Until he had began crying. The tears running down like waterfalls, over the slices he had made on his cheek. It burned. Burn. Just keep on burning, you're doing great. Burn as much as my heart.
He had to resist the urge to go get himself a lemon, just to make all the other slices burn just as much. Just to make it fair. He loved all of his cuts. His lovely cuts. They were his only friends. The only ones that made him feel better. The ones that had made him able to laugh... They were his love of life. He swore he wouldn't let them fade away like his parents had done...
Fuck his parents. Just fuck them to hell.
He only loved the pain and the scars.
The crying had made his mind tired. And the loss of blood had made his body so weak.
He had fainted, face as white as snow, matching the bed sheets.
Or, once they had. Well, at least the rest of his body that was covered in blood matched the sheets. That was positive, right?
Sasori grew isolated sooner than he could have guessed. Before he knew it, his whole world had turned into a black, dark never ending hell.
The only reason why he actually stayed alive was... Well... Nothing. If you really wanted him to give you a reason, he would say that the pain was keeping him up. He didn't want to leave his precious pain, he had swore on that. It was a promise... He would not leave the only thing in the world that could cheer him up.
Yeah... Cheer him up...
Without even realizing it, Sasori's way of dressing, way of acting, the music he listened to... Everything had suddenly turned the same color as his life.
Now, what did people call it? Emo?
Well, he didn't give a shit about what they called it. It didn't matter. He didn't understand why the hell it was called 'style' or whatever. He listened to whatever he wanted to, picked whatever clothes he wanted and acted however he wanted. And he didn't care if people saw all the scars and cuts on him. He didn't care when he got those weird looks wherever he went. He didn't care if everyone thought it was disgusting that he had a piercing on his tongue and lip. One through his ear and on his deeply scarred nipple. He really couldn't care any less.
Besides, his knife could make it up to him later when he got home. Each day. Like his own personal wife. Just not as annoying as a wife.
Oh, no, Sasori hated girls. The girls were the ones who gave him the weirdest looks.
Even if Sasori grew up to be like this, he continued to visit his parents. Once each month, never missed it. The same date, the same time.
He didn't even know why...
And that was when he, today, decided this should definitely be the last time. So for the first time he bought some flowers to take with him.
The weather was just as his day; Dull, gray, cloudy. Not even a glimpse of sunshine. Nowhere...
But then again, even if the day would have been sunny, it would have been dark and boring in Sasori's eyes.
The redhead had thrown down the shit called flowers, just staring down at the graves blankly. His ears heard nothing. He didn't see anything. He just stared.
He couldn't hear the other families, people around, at other places of the graveyard, praying or doing what the fuck ever. He couldn't see them either. Not only because they were far away, also because... Well he simply didn't want to. He didn't see people he didn't want to see.
They were transparent in his eyes.
And guess what? He didn't want to see anyone.
So he didn't. He was simply the only one existing in his eyes. And his knife of course...
It was all just pure silence in his ears. Wonderful, beautiful, pretty, georgeous, great, nice, lovely sil-
Did he just hear a sob?
Sasori was very irritated over the fact that he had been cut off in the middle of his pointless staring session by some person or whatever that had decided to come cry just a tiny bit too near him. But then again, usually, Sasori didn't even hear people that were standing next to him. How come he was hearing this sound of crying.
And damn, it felt pain- almost painful to hear. It felt like someone pierced a fork through his heart, turning it around without even bothering to take it out.
No... What the hell!? Why was the sounds of some stranger crying making him vulner- almost vulnerable!? For gods sake, he had to make it stop... Where was that sound coming from anyways...?
He would make sure to turn it to pure silence. Just as everything else.
Sasori turned his head left and right, searching for any crying creature. It sounded a lot like a male one, but you never knew.
He was disappointed to see no one. His eyes met no one that was falling any tears. Or, there were some people left, who were crying, but it wasn't them... They weren't the one he was heari-
"M-mum... Dad... W-w-wh-y did you have to l-leave me, uh-n?"
Ha. Hahaha! He could have seriously began laughing... Was it the death of the guys parents that was causing him to cry like this? Pfft, ridiculous. Sasori was not amused.
It reminded... Reminded him of himself when he was a kid...
No, wait, never mind that thought. Just... Aah, this was so damn frustrating! Who the hell was making these thoughts gather up in his mind?! Sasori turned around, a glare forming in his eyes. I swear I will kill-
A man? Are you joking?
Or... Maybe it was a girl? Or it sounded like a man... Oh, oh, Sasori wanted to find out?
And before he knew it, the glare had been thrown away into thin air.
Who was it? Long, blonde, sun-kissed hair, that almost seemed to be shining in the sun-light.
W-wait a minute... There was no sunlight.
Then why... Had Sasori seen sunlight? He swore he had... No... He just... Thought he had felt like it had been a perfect sunny day- Sunny days weren't perfect! Ooh, what was wrong with his brain today! He knew he shouldn't have came to visit his parents! He always began feeling so weird when he did!
Just... Just- "Shut the fuck up!"
Deidara cut off his crying when he heard a pretty beautiful voice behind him, making him turn around. Did he just tell him to fuck off? What...? B-but why? What had he done? Maybe he had heard wron- Ooh, stylish! What was it, gothic, punk, emo? Deidara couldn't really tell the difference but that was some cool clothes... "W-what, un?" He sniffed, eyes-brows rised in confusion, and his voice confused as well. Whole him.
Brown eyes just stared at the face of the male for a while, quickly analyzing everything. Just like any other usual person, nothing special really... Okay, maybe that long blonde hair-style was a bit- And those weird, lovely, perfect ocean-blue eyes and... Pretty lips, seeming so soft, cheeks a bit red in obvious ebarrassment, and-
Oh god... WHAT was he thinking!? What the fuck was he thinking!?
... Why was he seeing him? Haha, maybe he was an angel... Well, he looked like one but-
AAH JUST STOP!
Deidara just stared at the redheaded man that who was looking very frustrated and slightly stunned. Oh my god, was that real red hair? Shit... He wanted to ask... No wait, he couldn't do that, the redhead hadn't even said anything ye-
"Would you-" Sasori cutted off the rest of his sentence. Somehing just told him to do that, and just... God, this was the weirdest thing that had happened to his mind in years, but whatever... "Why are you crying...?" He asked in a mono-tone, face softening up, not looking as frustrated and irritated anymore.
Wait... Why the hell had he asked that?
First of all, he already knew why he was crying. It was some death of his parents, so? Who's parents weren't dead nowadays?
And second, ...
Why was he talking to him and not making him disappear?
"Oh, sorry, did I b-bother you, un?" A small smile formed on the blondes lips after he chuckled a bit, scratching the back of his head in slight embarrassment. "I told myself not to cry when I came here today, but it's just, the death of my parents hurt me a lot when I was a kid... I just felt such pain and... I kind of get really emotional when I think about it... I'm really sorry, un, I'll wait for you to go first if I see you here again, un.~"
If Sasori wouldn't have been a master at keeping a poker-face, he would have gaped. Gaped and rosen a brow, stared at the blonde like he was a... Something.
Just what was wrong with him?
Just what part of 'shut the fuck up' did he not understand?! Oh, wait a minute... Sasori was the one who had made him talk... About what he had said... How the hell was he able to talk with such ease about the fact that his parents were dead? Sasori didn't know anyone else but himself that could do that... What was wrong with that bitch... Wait... Why wasn't he retorting? Like, I mean, Sasori had told him to fuck off, right? Or, he hadn't really told him that... Just inderectly... But still, why was the blonde acting so... So... Nice?
And above all...
Why did Sasori like it?
Why the fuck was he feeling like... He wanted more?
"I really don't care, brat, but you better shut up when I tell you to, next time, or I'l-"
"H-hey, un, sorry to interrupt you and all but... Is that like, real red hair? Or did you color it? It looks so damn real but -aaah I've never, ever seen anyone with that hair-color before! It's blood red! Not orange, but actually red, un! S-sorry you d-don't have to answer... Ehehe..."
Staring as the blonde made a little chuckle, face blushing up in shame, Sasori couldn't help but smirk a bit at that comm- NO, HELL NO.
-He was not answering.
-He would act like he hadn't heard that.
-He would not smirk.
-He would not show any emotion, face... Face... What was it called? Face motion? Facial motions?
-He would NOT CARE.
Damn it, he should just walk away from there already... Just get away fromt the happy little blonde creature- Okay, he seemed to be just as tall as himself, but still... And...
God, he had never seen anyone speak with such passion. Every word that came out of the blonde's mouth seemed to be jumping around happily, his face showing a bunch of different emotions and... Stuff while he talked, and... His whole body...
Speaking of the blonde's body, he looked really attractive... Slim, perfect figure, flawless skin... He was more beautiful than any puppet Sasori had ever made... He was just... Completely...
Deidara tilted his head, pouting. "Damn, I knew it! Sorry, it just looked so real, I had to ask..."
No... Wait, what? What was he talking about! That was his real hair-color for devils sake! "I mean, yes, it is my real hair-color, what about it?!" Wait, why was he being so impolite to the nice, sunny blonde? That wasn't nic-
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE IMPOL- Just stop it... What was going on with his brain!? It was like...
That blonde. He was doing something to him that drove him mad.
Acting like the world was a good place. But why? Hadn't he lost his parents? Now, Sasori didn't know if the story of the brat losing his parents was as sad and horrible as his own, but still...
"OH MY GOD! Really? Noooo, are you joking? Damn, that is so cool! Ah, haha, sorry, I'm Katsuhiko Deidara by the way!~"
So far, what had stunned Sasori the most was why Deidara wasn't... Looking at him like he was different from the others. He was even making a try to shake hands with him. Wasn't that what you did when you were trying to make conatact or something like that? Pfft, it wasn't like he was going to take the blonde's stupid hand and actually-
"Akasuna no Sasori."
Automatically Sasori's hand flew up, shaking the blonde's-
Okay, he was definitely going straight home. He did not know what was happening to him, but he did no longer want to find out. He-
"Sasori? Ooh, great! I can't believe I never met you before, I mean, I've always been visiting here and stuff, un..."
WHAT WAS IT WITH THOSE UN'S!?
They were so irritatingly adorable.
... Nope. No, they weren't. Sasori just decided that, that's right.
"Really, well, same here."
"M-may I ask who you're visiting... Un? Y-you really don't ave to answer if you don't want to, just ignore me and my questions, ahaha..."
Oh, I really wish I could... Deidara or whatever, had no idea what the redhead was going through in this WEIRD conservation... It was like he was getting brain-raped.
But seriously, each time he tried to look away...
It was like his eyes were locked with the blondes. Something happened inside him when he was... Oh god, seriously? This wasn't even near serious! The guy was a complete stranger!
How? Just how could he talk so easily about everything with Sasori...?
The thing that was concerning Sasori the most was that Deidara wasn't looking at him like he had was weird. He was giving him the most happy, usual look ever.
Sasori had never ever earned a look like that after he turned fifteen. It felt... Sort of good... But...
"I..." Sasori began, clenching his fists hard. He wouldn't take more of this... He just wanted to erase the blonde, like he could erase all of the other people. But it was just impossible... This had never happened to him before... This was just... Disgusting...
"I have to go now."
He finally managed to push through his mouth, turning sideways and leaving, picking up his box of cigarettes as he walked down the path. He looked up at the sky, deep in thought. But then he realized something.
It was sunny. The sun was shining very brightly, and the sky was bluer than ever before.
Everything was just perfect.
And that's when he realized... It had been sunny all day long.
"Ah, damn, maybe I offended him... Or something..." Dediara mumbled to himself, sighing. He was such an idiot... "Okay! Buy bye, Sasori-san!" Deidara yelled after the redhead, waving even though he knew Sasori couldn't see him.
Sasori just raised his hand, holding it out to the side and waving a bit, as a sign that he had heard and was just saying goodbye as well.
Oh god. Wait. He/I waved back!?
Both males thought that at the same time. Deidara because he took that as a sign that Sasori hadn't really gotten hurt, and Sasori because he couldn't believe he was acting like this. Like that. Like so wrong.
Deidara smiled and looked back at the graves of his parents. "Hehe, I made another friend today, un~ Aren't you guys proud of me?" He closed his eyes, smiling yet sighing. The wind flew by, cooling everything off. It all felt wonderful... "Oh well, I think I'll go now... I..." Deidara opened his eyes, a frown forming on his lips.
He had swore he would never come back here again. He had decided that this would be the last time. Because each time he had visited his parents, he had just began acting like a little crybaby... And he didn't understand why he should put himself through that, once each month, on the same day. Actually, he was supposed to come here yesterday, like always, but he had been kind of... Scared...
He was kind of silly... Ha, he should learn by Sasori. He was like totally cold. Not even a tear was on his face. Really... Nothing was on his face. Well, besides piercing and some weird cuts and scars. He guessed the redhead had been through some sort of accident... But...
Out of pure curiousity, Deidara turned over, reading the names on the graves that Sasori had been visiting.
Oh? Oh. Oh...
... Ahaha, wasn't that just ironic? They had both been visiting their parents...
Hey, what if Sasori was just like him?
What if he visited his parents once a month, on the same date? This date?
Cool... He had to find out...
And if it was true... He would continue to visit his parents.~
Because, for some reason, when Sasori had started talking to him, Deidara's sadness had all been wiped away.
So why not take advantage of that?